Seeing God’s Faithfulness in Reverse

Whenever we experience grief, it’s so easy to block things out. We block out specific moments, chunks of time, and hurt because we don’t want to re-experience what we felt in the moment. As Morgan and I began our healing process, we found ourselves avoiding what we knew would hurt. We never went back and stayed a night in the apartment we were living in - my wife’s parents were loving enough to let us stay with them for a while. We didn’t drive the car for weeks that we drove to the hospital that Saturday morning Blakely died because it hurt too much not to see her car seat strapped in the backseat.

When our counselor mentioned we were going to be making timelines of our experience, I was less than enthused. The exercise was simple - create a timeline starting from the day we found out we were pregnant to the day of Blakely’s memorial and draw a line up if it was a positive memory, or draw a line downwards if it was a negative memory. Mine looked a little something like this:

It can hurt just as much to think back to the moments that cause our grief as they did when we were actually there. This causes us to easily want to avoid it, not think about it, and try and just move on. This can also cause us to begin to ask where God was in our time of suffering. Friends, if we don’t actually ask that question we only begin to harbor feelings of anger and resentment towards God and our hearts become hard. However, it’s a question He wants to answer.

As I made my timeline, that question was heavy on my mind - where was God during all of this? Where was God when we were in the emergency room? Where was God when we were suffering from our grief in my in-law’s living room? Let me reassure you, both Christian and non-Christian, that it is ok to ask those questions. There was a man in scripture who needed Jesus to heal his son and he said to Jesus, “But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.” “‘If you can’?” said Jesus, “Everything is possible for one who believes.” Then scripture says this: Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”

I believe the Holy Spirit included this in His word so that we can see that there will be moments in our lives where we have the space to say to Him, “I believe, but where are you?” The most amazing thing about the Lord is not only is He always near, but that He also specifically draws near to the broken-hearted and, if you need to know where He is, you simply have to ask. As impossible as it may feel, take time to look back on what you’ve experienced and ask God where He was. I promise you He has the time and He has the love to answer and show you. It’s only when we take the time to look in reverse that we are able to see exactly all the places God showed up and was faithful.

For me, I saw that God was holding us and Blakely in that emergency room. I see God reassuring me in my in-law’s living room by saying, “I’ve got her, I’ve got her, I’ve got her.” I see God telling me that my wife was pregnant with our second baby, Bennett, before we even knew.

Whether you’ve experienced immense grief before or are experiencing it now, we have a God who is faithful and draws near to the broken-hearted. Even if you may not see it now, He is with you and has His loving hand on you.

Respond: Where are you able to see God in your circumstance?

Suggested Song: Remember - Bryan & Katie Torwalt