Discovering ways to honor your loved one at the milestones
Tyler and I LOVE to find new ways to honor Blakely and do things that celebrate her. Through our counseling journey, we would try to mentally prepare for major milestones that would typically be celebrated if she was still with us. Birthdays, holidays, family pictures…any big event or day that easily reminds us of the hole in our family that she left behind.
We’ve always heard that the first year after a loss is the hardest as we didn’t know what to expect emotionally when those milestones came knocking. Each big day has been different and we’ve found different ways to honor her as we’ve walked through them.
But as those days were approaching, We tried to search for ideas of how others have honored their loved ones through those milestones. We probably could have predicted finding a lot of ideas that weren’t really applicable to celebrating what would have been a 1 year old’s birthday or ways that we didn’t think really would celebrate Blakely in a way that fit her. It’s been almost two years of trying to find traditions that honor her little life in a way that reflects the season of life she would be in.
We know every situation and life lost is different, but as Blakely’s 2nd birthday comes around this year, we want to share ways that we’ve found to celebrate her, specifically for her birthday!
We invited family and friends to join us in celebrating!
Some milestones are different than others. Some holidays we chose to celebrate just the 2 (and now 3) of us, but we wanted her birthday to be different. As we approached her 1st birthday last year, we knew we wanted to invite our families and friends into the celebration, both remotely and in person. Our families are pretty scattered across the state and country, and in the midst of a pandemic, we knew it wasn’t ideal for everyone to physically be there, so we invited them to join in the fun and honor Blakely from wherever they were! Whether it’s been lighting a candle, releasing balloons, or baking her a tiny cake, we loved seeing those closest to us and Blakely take time to honor her birthday.
We use elements she would experience if she was here.
This year, as we explored new ways to remember her on her birthday, we decided to make it a birthday that a 2 year old would want to be at! We bought colorful balloons, set up a chair, and lit two candles on a birthday cupcake from a local bakery. The wind naturally blew the candles out, which seemed pretty perfect, and we got Bennett involved in taking pictures with the cupcake. To finish our celebration off, we released all the balloons and said “happy birthday, Blakely!” through tears and smiles.
There are no right or wrong options when it comes to celebrating milestones!
Be willing to experiment and do what feels right for you! I’ve been pretty adamant about establishing traditions for her milestones and our family as we grow. Some have stuck and some haven’t! We’ve had to be willing to try things, and through trial and error, make adjustments to those traditions as we go.
For example, when celebrating Blakely’s 1st birthday, we wanted to try decorating and releasing floating lanterns. We loved seeing Blakely’s cousins scribble all over the paper lanterns with all sorts of colors, but when it came to actually releasing the balloons we ran into some issues. It ended up being VERY windy on her birthday, so lighting the lanterns and fearing they would blow into a tree and start a fire became a problem!
Even though it didn’t go as we pictured or planned we still felt as if she was remembered and celebrated by those we loved her, and that was the goal! Yes, we made some adjustments and released balloons this year instead, and that’s a tradition we will probably stick to.
At the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter exactly what you do to honor your loved one; it only matters that they are celebrated! Be flexible, invite others in, and make it a good day.