October 12, 2019
It’s been 3 years and 1 day since Blakely Mae was brought into Heaven and into the arms of the Father. Even after 3 years, countless counseling sessions, powerful times of prayer, and times of healing, the weight of yesterday still leaves ripples that can hit like a tsunami. Our entire foundation was shaken, and when October 12 comes and goes, it’s easy for our footing to become unsteady.
Oddly enough, it’s hard to feel the ground shake beneath you if you don’t stop moving to feel it. One unhealthy way of dealing with grief that we learned through reading The Grief Recovery Handbook is that becoming busy or preoccupying ourselves with our work or hobbies will keep us from thinking about our grief or pain and it will go away. This is just simply untrue. Grief is a patient and simmering substance that no amount of busy-ness or distraction will ever stop it from eventually finding its way to the surface.
Unintentionally, this was my October 12, 2022. From 8am to 11pm, I didn’t stop moving. Multiple ministry obligations, taking care of our son and my wife who wasn’t feeling well, and meetings with those who I disciple brought me all the way to the end of my day without the opportunity to allow myself to remember what happened and love Blakely in memory of one of the hardest days we’ll ever have to experience.
Today I’m making time to love her, to honor the 5 beautiful weeks she was here, and to thank God for keeping her close until we are all reunited. I love what Morgan said in her first “The Aftermath” post after Blakely died…
As I stared into the mirror tonight before I showered, I saw a million little lines that told her story. With every mark left on my body, I’m reminded of every day I carried her in my stomach. As I watched those lines develop, I also saw my precious baby love and be loved over the most wonderful 5 weeks of my life.
I’m thankful that God’s gifts (no matter how small) tend to lie in places we least suspect. I’m thankful for the marks that I once dreaded and the memories that reside with them.
